Thanks to Jamie (but mostly to Vundofix.exe)

So the virus infestation has been expunged. It was simply a case of dealing with it as one would a snake - cut off the vundo and the body dies.

Anything that wants to get through now has to deal with windows firewall, AVG, and Spyware doctor, so I'm pretty confident this won't happen again.

Now if only I could get Team Fortress 2 to work :(

Norton makes me feel good

This PC is now infested with trojans and adware to the point where everything is noticeably slower, pop-ups are appearing for the first time in years, and the hard drive is making a constant rhythmic chirping noise.

I've run virus scan after virus scan, but all the trojans it deletes and all the hundreds of cookies it sends to the "virus vault" keep returning. Whatever and wherever this vault is, there's either a huge hole in the bottom or it's rapidly filling up with multiple copies of dangerous cookies.

I keep getting visions of that Ghostbusters episode where the containment unit fails and the whole city goes to hell.

All aboard the Ego bathroom

Does anybody else have this thing where if you stand in a bathroom with wet hands and put the wet hands over your face and tilt your head back, you get a strange sensation of extreme power?

I'm not sure if the bathroom or the wet hands are necessary components. It's probably just that I'm usually in the bathroom with wet hands on my face in the morning, very soon after going from horizontal to vertical, and that tilting the head back just exacerbates the messed up flow of blood to the head.

The end result being feelings of Godhood.

WoW RPG GM RulBk

The World of Warcraft Tabletop Roleplay Game is pretty dumb. It's clearly just Dungeons and Dragons with a thin sheen of Warcraft sprayed over it. Eg:

Arcane Missile, first level mage spell, deals 1d4+1 damage.

vs

Magic Missile, first level wizard spell, deals 1d4+1 damage.

They don't bother even changing most of the other spells' names.

Also, there's a spell called 'Bladestorm' where 'your arms become magical longswords.' That's just stupid, and clearly not a storm.

If I hadn't obtained it through illegal download, I'd be feeling pretty gypped by now.

Some corner of a foreign field

I kindof feel like performing some nationalistic counter-graffiti. Does anybody knows where one can find several quarts of white and red paint?

Just need to wait to see if they intend to do anything with the outline of Scotland before filling it in with St George's Cross.

I spy from on high

There's a large outline of Scotland (or a man in a hat) drawn in orange paint on the grass outside my window. It's fun watching people pause as they walk over it and slowly realise what it is.

It was especially enjoyable watching a man in overalls stop and stare at it with a look of 'damn students, I bet I'll be the one cleaning this up', as it was two grown-men in overalls who put it there in the first place. It look them hours.

I'm sure a couple of drunk student could have done it in five minutes.

Pathetic Domestic Arguments

Some flatmate keeps moving my bacon from the bottom shelf of the fridge to the middle shelf. We seem to have developed a minor shelf-war.

Raw meat goes on the bottom shelf for a reason, especially if it's two weeks old and from lidl, as it reduces the risk of it contaminating other food.

I could take a wild guess as to who is doing it, as the food that appears on the bottom shelf is invariably pasta-based.

I've considered sticking a post-it saying 'RAW MEAT GOES ON BOTTOM SHELF' on the door, but that's one of those minor things that tend to set the ball of flat-hate rolling. So this is me being the bigger man. Sortof...

The bigger man who no longer cares if his Italian flatmate contracts food poisoning.

I've been calling her Crandall!

It's only just come to my attention that it's pre-rog-a-tive, not per-og-a-tive. This is almost as bad as the banal mix-up.

The Sandman Saga

The Sandman now causes stunned targets to take 50% less damage whilst stunned, making it not only annoying for the stunee, but also annoying for the stunner's team, who's attacks are rendered half as effective.



This really makes no sense within the internal logic of the game, and it's bizarre how Valve seem to be piling up the negative effects to make the thing balanced, whilst making it even less useful.

And then I watch the consequences that occur therein, subject and verb

If you're ever in need of a laugh, check out the Duncan and Jordanstone School of Fine Art's 2008 degree show, featuring some genuinely quite good artists and some highest-caliber baloney.

They blur so many boundaries it's surprising that existence hasn't been rendered a brown smudgy mess. I guess we're just lucky they're defining boundaries at the same pace.

I particularly liked Stuart McAdam's minimalist approach; it really makes you think:

ff – ss ( ) pih – bih

Sound ( ) Image

Place ( ) Non-Place

You know what really grinds my gears

People who think that their opinion on a film in a franchise is more legitimate because they haven't seen the previous installments and thus are free of any expectation or bias.

From the dryest city in Scotland

'It never rains in Dundee' is something I've repeated to the extent of cliche. I miss rain.

So here are 5 good rain sound videos, in rough order of mild to strong.


Spring rain or mountain steam.


Nice, though potentially too much splash. Contains mild thunder.


More consistent rainfall, with more powerful, sustained thunder.


Intense water-on-water action, with thunder.


A full-blown holophonic thunder-storm, with satisfying thunder peals.

The Something of Boris

I recently downloaded and watched through Quantum of Solace. It's not necessarily a bad film, but it's laden with hundreds of minor flaws and annoyances. I've tried to catalogue them all, chronologically, which was the easiest way.

I swear this is the last of my long posts.

The Short Version

• Most of the colours are shades of white, grey, black, brown, yellowy-brown, or beige
• Everybody wears suits, in the above colours
• The suit dress-code makes identifying and differentiating between certain characters difficult
  
• There are too many background characters given too much screen time and personality
• There are too many foreign locales given too much screen time
  
• There is too much product placement
• The dialogue is divided into:

- Exposition, which is confusing (60%)
- Witty banter, which is boring (20%)
- People talking about Bond's emotional strife, which is unconvincing (20%)

• Despite all the talk of emotions, nobody ever expresses any
  
• At times, the film assumes the audience remembers every detail of the previous film, while at other times it treats them like idiots
• There are vast tracts of action that don't need to be there
  
• The director then tries to hide as much of this action as possible, either by having shots that are too fast for the human eye to pick up, bad camera angles, shaky camera-work, or constantly cutting away to something else
• There are too many setpieces that feel exactly like what they are
  

The Very Short Version

"Rurr rurr rurr rurr. I'm Marc Forster. I'm a fucking dick."

The Very Long Version
(Note: It's probably not worth reading this unless you're watching Quantum of Solace and really bored)

00:59 - An admittedly exciting (loud) opening, but one which sets the tone for the rest of the film (i.e. it's a chase, and it looks like a car advert). First chase scene [car/car]

2:18 - Bond seamlessly drives from a mountain road to a quarry. Possible, but not overly likely. Setpiece. Reminiscent of the construction site scene from Casino Royale

3:10 - The third time in as many minutes that Bond has been heading towards a vehicle coming the other way down the road. He dodges out of the way again

4:00 - Intro song starts. It's debatable as to whether the vocals are weak and emotionless, but most of the lyrics sound like a shopping list ('A phone on a table'). Compare to Casino Royale's You Know My Name, which concisely forebodes the coming story

7:10 - Intro song ends. 3 minutes of graphics consisting mostly of Bond walking through a desert and occasionally firing poorly-rendered bullets at sand-dunes. Compare to Casino Royale's intro graphics, which consist of Bond shooting, knife-fighting, and punching a few dozen henchmen to death. Intro graphics appears to be set inside a spinning globe, which must have been scientifically designed to induce motion sickness

7:26 - "Hello Mitchell." Bond's address to what appears to be a faceless non-character raises a red flag. Admittedly I expected him to die soon

10:10 - Second chase scene [man/man] starts, 6 minutes after the last ended

10:34 - MI6 base of operations is apparently a medieval dungeon

10:42 - Chase scene inter-cut with scenes of non-related horse race, as if to reinforce the fact that this is a chase. This isn't necessary

11:40 - An anomalously-long shot of an old woman mourning the fact that the bad guy has just squashed her hanging crate of fruit and vegetables. What a nasty man he is

11:53 - Conveniently on a rooftop. Director seems determined to keep cutting back to the horse race

12:45 - Second chase scene ends. Excessive use of shakey cam, extremely brief shots, and the physical similarity between Bond and the man he's chasing has made the whole thing difficult to follow

16:25 - This different MI6 base of operations contrasts with the first in that it's set somewhere in the future. Magic table, the graphics of which were probably intended to complement the confusing and extensive exposition but instead distract from it. Somebody is in room 325... somewhere

18:00 - Bond in hotel room. Having seen the Bourne films, it's clear that a man is going to come bursting out of the glass panel to the right

18:14 - Confusing shaky-cam knife-fight

20:02 - A minor chase scene (barely counts)

21:31 - A very nice Sony Vaio hand-held device from the future

25:10 - A very nice Sony Erikson mobile phone, with future capabilities

28:00 - Third(?) chase scene [bike>boat/boat] starts

31:00 - Bond somehow uses an anchor to capsize an enemy's boat. The physics of this aren't made abundantly clear. If the anchor is attached to his own boat and to the enemy boat, it makes sense that both boats would be buggered

31:21 - Moody shot of Daniel Craig in a boat

31:26 - Slow-tilt over beautiful, exotic landscape, with appropriate exotic-landscape-music (violins)

31:58 - A very nice Sony Erikson mobile phone, with future capabilities

32:15 - Director continues to insist on showing the audience shot after shot of local/foreign people (i.e. slightly grotty people doing slightly unusual things). The constant one-word foreign exclamations in the background ('Osa!') are becoming annoying

32:25 - Magic MI6 wall of wonder. Why, in an Secret Intelligence Service, an organization that surely values Secret Intelligence over all else, would you display vital information on glass walls?

33:03 - Sony Erikson phone

33:08 - "I'm afraid there's a firewall around his other corporate holdings" Oh noes! If only we were some sort of Secret Intelligence Service specializing in acquiring hidden information.

33:25 - Introduction of Gregg Beam. He doesn't look suspicious at all.

Nope

34:14 - Is having the people back at MI6 standing around like turnips talking to a magic wall intended to illustrate the divide between the bureaucratic office-types and the practical Bond-types that actually get the work done? Because it just makes MI6 look like a bunch of fags

36:04 - Wow, a Sony Erikson flip phone. Pretty snazzy

37:14 - Sony Erikson etc

37:30 - I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE BACKGROUND ACTORS. THE BACKGROUND ACTORS ARE IN THE BACKGROUND FOR A GOOD REASON. BECAUSE I DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM. GTFO OF FOREGROUND

38:00 - This plinky-plonky, slow-violin music is really starting to get on my nerves

38:24 - Man, I thought that was naked torso'd Daniel Craig looking through those wardrobes. Was it bollocks. IT WAS A FRICKETY FRIG BACKGROUND ACTOR. GTFO

(I've lost impartiality and will take a break)

41:36 - Sony Erikson mobile phone saves the world from international terrorism with it's ultra high-definition camera and face recognition software

43:50 - Yet again the director feels it a good idea to constantly intercut action with shots of something he finds more important, in this case the opera Tosca, which nobody cares about. Nobody

45:58 - Tilt over beautiful, exotic landscape, with appropriate exotic-landscape-music (violins)

46:00 - Moody shot of Daniel Craig in a boat

46:06 - Pan over beautiful, exotic landscape, with appropriate exotic-landscape-music (violins)

46:10 - Moody shot of Daniel Craig in boat

46:14 - Tilt-and-pan over beautiful exotic landscape, with appropriate exotic-landscape-music (violins)

46:55 - "And since you were innocent, they bought you this villa." Not just exposition, needless expostion

48:00 - While watching this part, it became evident that the entire film is rendered in sun-bleached, washed-out, pastel colours and that I was developing snow blindness

49:00 - My second favourite section of dialogue in the entire film

*Bond and Mathis at a bar on a plane*
Bartender: May I fix you a drink, sir?
Mathis: (To Bond) What are you drinking?
Bond: I dunno. (To bartender) What am I drinking?
Bartender (In one of the twattiest voices, ham-handedly delivers the following): Three measures of Gordon's gin, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet, which is not vermouth! Shaken well until it is ice cold and served with a large, thin slice of lemon peel.
*the camera then cuts to the bartender, who has a punchable face and a big Vigin Airlines badge on his shirt*

50:35 - A woman who can't even act being an emotionless prude

51:10 - Lets all look at the silly foreign people. Everywhere is so crammed with so many background actors it's no wonder they're spilling over into the foreground

52:36 - There are only two types of building in this film - modern, sparsely decorated ones painted in white, black and beige, and grotty foreign ones chiseled out of beige sandstone. Just had the latter, so now we have the former. At least the woman has red hair, which brings a bit of colour

53:24 - Despite spending the last 52 minutes, 24 seconds moping and whining and carrying on over how much he mourns the loss of Vesper, Bond suddenly decides to have sex with prudish red-hair woman. Despite being only characterised as a emotionless prude, prudish woman decides to have sex with Bond

53:30 - The naked Daniel Craig torso shot that 38:24 wasn't

54:12 - Background actors. "Señor!" That one's even Spanish

54:38 - A building combining haughty, sparsely-decorated, beige modernness and grotty, foreign dilapidatism

58:17 - Henchman takes Home Alone-esque tumble down stairs. And he's wearing a toupee! Ha ha! This film is actually a lighthearted comedy

59:52 - Did James Bond just use Mathis, the only character I've found the least bit likable, as a meat shield?

1:01:30 - And then dumped him in a bin?

1:02:11 - Long pan of desert landscape, with appropriate desert-landscape-music (panpipes). Heave a weary, weary sigh

1:02:33 - "I would like to buy a vintage plane from you, as it's the only way of traversing desert terrain."

1:02:56 - It's been half an hour without a chase and the audience is starting to drift off. Quickly, get the music playing

1:05:00 - Fourth and final chase scene, and probably the director's favourite, as it also incorporates long shots of beige desert landscape and unnecessary foreign chatter

1:08:06 - Bond is a strong guy, yes, but I'm quite sure the amount of force just sent through his arms would have caused a dislocation or two. Unfortunately, the blurry, shaky, misplaced camera makes it difficult to accurately tell how Bond distributed the force of the sudden deceleration

1:08:09 - Glorious reds

1:08:23 - And blues

1:08:26 - And greens

1:08:27 - "What's today's excuse, that Bond is legally blind?" It's not even that the dialogue's attempts at wit fall flat, it's like they're not even trying. The whole film is like this

1:10:00 - Looks like a set out of Stargate Atlantis

1:13:20 - "Nada! Nada! Nada!" Just in case the audience is unclear that there is no water from the repeated image of a dripping tap

1:14:10 - A badly-acted toff couple look in disgust at Bond and Woman's disheveled appearance. What is this director's obsession with everybody except the main characters?

1:15:00 - Let's all talk about our emotions

1:16:19 - Blows to the legs and torso don't cause unconsciousness so efficiently

1:17:50 - Background actors, stealing a television. They live such rich and full lives

1:18:19 - Grottiest grott-hole yet. Is that prostitute on the steps texting? Why is she doing that? Does it have any relevance to the story?

1:18:39 - Foreign people, grotty foreign hovel, background actors washing dishes, playing cards and smoking cigars

1:20:02 - Automatic weapons are entirely non-threatening. With a pistol there's the possibility Bond might take a non-fatal wound; semi-automatics just make sparks and broken glass all over the place

1:21:00 - Thankfully, the final, overly-modern hotel of the film. Which gets blown-up, which is something

1:21:03 - My favourite section of dialogue:

*Generals on balcony of future hotel. A humming noise starts up.*
*General#1 looks around in curiousity*
General#2: It's just the fuel cells. The whole compound runs on them.
General#1: Sounds highly unstable. . .
*A few seconds of pause to let that sink in*

Not just unstable, highly unstable. Because South American dictator are experts on this kind of thing. My radiator hums; I don't tip-toe around it in fear that it's going to explode.

1:26:24 - There go those highly unstable fuel cells

1:29:30 - Woman goes from being strong female character who just avenged her family to a crying ball in matter of seconds. Bond to the rescue, with hugs

1:30:48 - Bond shoots gas-tank from inside a room to blow out a wall. Surely the wall would focus most of the explosion back into the room, instantly killing Bond and Woman

1:34:26 - Nice to see Bond actually express an emotion

1:37:30 - The end of an very, very long 97 minutes.

FIRE EVERYTHING

I've ranted a lot recently. Fortunately, the Star Trek trailer speaks for itself.

It looks like they've got the general concept down, i.e. space is disease and danger, wrapped in darkness and silence but also extremely pretty, especially when you fill it up with multicolored phasers. But I'm particularly susceptible to the charm of bright colours after watching Quantum of Solace yesterday, which is such a fffffffflipping beige-fest.

Self-Indulgent Zelda/Bio Combo Post

Searching around recently for an award-winning premise to a sensual-love-novel, I was guided towards the Gerudo, a band of all-female thieves from the game Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Legend states that they give birth to a male Gerudo only once every hundred years and it's strongly implied that they spend the rest of the time propagating themselves through breeding with Hylian men. While this does make for a fine premise, it doesn't make a lot of sense biologically.

For comparison:
A Hylian

A Gerudo

As you can see, Gerudo are distinguished from the Hylian race by the traits of red hair, rounded ears, large noses, and tanned skin. Which raises the question, if they're only able to reproduce with Hylians how has the Gerudo gene pool not been watered down to extinction by Hylian genes within a handful of generations?

On top of that, why are male Gerudo so rare? And how did this state of affairs come to be in the first place?

Not one to pen an erotic novel unless it's built on a foundation of hardcore science, I tried to create a couple of explanatory theories.

Theory one - the Gerudo females only mate with the Gerudo male
It's never explicitly stated that they mate with Hylians, only that they take them as boyfriends. Assuming they only bear offspring to the Gerudo male, the gene pool would be preserved, though the implications of such extensive and repeated inbreeding (they'd all be half-siblings) would likely be severe.

This theory also relies on the Gerudo being extremely long-lived, an idea that's not entirely unfounded. Ganondorf has been present in Zelda games often set hundreds of years apart, and Koume and Kotake are quoted as being 400 and 380 years-old respectively upon their deaths; the counter-argument to this being that all three of them channel some serious voodoo magic that may have life-extending properties.

However, even if we assume that the Gerudo are immortal, this is an extremely risky means of reproducing. If that one male Gerudo dies, through accident or injury, during the hundred year gap between male births - which is extremely probable considering the Gerudo's warlike nature and harsh, desert environment - then there'll be nobody around to conceive the next male, and obviously the result would be extinction.

This theory also fails to address the rarity of the male.

Theory two - the maternal chromosomes are static
This allows the Gerudo to reproduce with Hylians under the requirement that all the genes necessary to create Gerudo characteristics are present on the maternal chromosomes, which are passed on from the mother to the daughter unchanged and in their entirety. No crossing over occurs during meiosis and the chromosomes are non-randomly segregated, effectively making each generation a series of half-clones.

While feasibly able to continue indefinitely without loss of genetic material, the health repercussions would be considerable. A survivable level of genetic diversity would be maintained by the constantly changing paternal chromosomes, but the maternal ones would gradually accumulate deleterious mutations that they'd be unable to shake through the reshuffling that normally occurs during meiosis.

Again, the end result would likely be extinction.

Theory three - sex-linked Gerudo-ness
My personal favourite theory is that the genes that code for Gerudo traits are located entirely on a single sex-chromosome, unique from both the X and Y. This hypothetical chromosome, tentatively named the Z chromosome, would resemble the Y in being devoid of all vital genes, coding only for the traits of red hair, large noses, rounded ears, tanned skin, and perhaps a propensity towards violence and kleptomania, all of which would be controlled by a hormone also encoded on the Z chromosome, tentatively named gerudosterone.

This would sortof make them more of a sub-species or third sex rather than a race.

Because very little crossing-over occurs between sex-chromosomes, the Gerudo genotype is secure no matter how extensively they outbreed with Hylians, and the Gerudo phenotype is fine so long as the Gerudo alleles for hair colour, nose size, rounded ears, and skin colouration are dominant over all of their Hylian counterparts.

Under this theory, the reason that Gerudo males are so rare is because they're completely non-viable. A male Gerudo zygote with karyotype 46,YZ would lack the genes on the X chromosome necessary for cell survival. The only way that a male could be viable is if he had aneuploidy, an extra chromosome. Through a fluke of meiosis, one of the gametes could be sporting both sex-chromosomes, resulting in a zygote with a karyotype 47,XYZ. The rarity of the male Gerudo is simply a result of the statistic unlikelihood of this disorder occurring.

The combined effects of testosterone and gerudosterone on the individual would potentially result in violent tendencies and a predisposition towards pure evil-

- though the psychological effects of being an infertile and hypogonadotrophic lone male in a fortress of women should not be overlooked as a cause of mental instability.

Origin
Considering the origin of sexual reproduction is still something of a mystery, it would be difficult for me to theorize what would cause a third sex to evolve into existence, so for the time being I'm going to cop-out and say that magic did it.

The origin story of Hyrule goes that it was created by three Goddesses - Din, Nayru, and Farore. Of the trio, Din most strongly resembles the Gerudo - being associated with themes of power, earth and fire (they live in a desert), and the colour red.

So I'm going to go ahead and say that the Gerudo are a genetic abnormality created by Din in the image of Din, based on that little evidence.

And also the fact that GERUDOS is an anagram of U R GODES.

Which even I'll accept is a stretch.

GODES doesn't even sound like Goddess.

And text speak barely existed in 1998.

Negative Nancy

Too long, do not read

The Scout Update has been out for over a week now and I haven't yet commented on it because:
a) I've been playing it
and
b) I don't think it's very good, and the fact that Valve are releasing these updates free-of-charge sort of makes me feel as though I don't have the right to complain, especially as TF2 has one of the finest hours-of-enjoyment:money-paid ratios of all the games I've ever played.

But what the hey.

The problem with the Scout update is that new weapons aren't very fun for any and all concerned.

The Force-O-Nature: it's third jump is negligible, and the knockback it delivers to the enemy is not only irritatingly disorientating for them but means that the Scout has to chase after his target and recalibrate his aim with each shot due to them being launched out of the point-blank range in which the weapon is remotely effective. Being hit by the knockback generally propels you into the air, making maneuvering to safety (or at all) difficult, an ability that can now be claimed by the Scout, the Soldier, the Demoman, the Pyro, and partly the Heavy.

The Sandman: A purely terrible weapon in all ways. The idea of rendering the player incapable of even reacting whilst the enemy team lays into them should not have even been considered. It's maddening. Whilst the removal of the Scout's double jump is admittedly a steep and restrictive trade-off, balancing out an annoying effect with another annoying effect does not make good design.
Plus, having to wait 10 seconds for your baseball to replenish screws with the idea of the Scout being a fast, twitchy class.

Bonk! energy drink: Useless. Presumably the idea behind it was that the Scout could use the invulnerability to get through particularly bad choke points. Unfortunately, the 1 second it takes to drink the thing necessitates that you use it out of combat, and the 6 second invincibility only lasts long enough to get you into enemy lines, rarely out the other side. Bizarrely, despite dodging the projectiles thrown at him, the scout still takes knockback, so that any choke-point sporting an enemy sentry gun (i.e. all of them) is extremely difficult to navigate.
If you somehow succeed in passing through the choke-point, you're reduced to the speed of a Soldier, ensuring that all but the slowest classes who care to follow your giant blur-trail can hunt you down with ease.
Why is the Scout even slowed down after use? Surely the lack of a pistol is trade-off enough.

Then there's the inability to cap a point or carry the intelligence while under the effect of Bonk! So you can get into a base, but not out of it.

And then there's the fact that Valve forgot to remove the word final from the end of the new maps. It's a minor detail that suggests that Valve aren't really giving the updates their full attention and, while I'm in no position to hold them to any standards but their own, they run the risk of mucking up a fine game with sloppy updating.

Whine complete.

The effect I have on most women

There's a woman in the Carnegie Building reception who recognizes me on sight and seemingly hates my guts, simply for the reason that I always ask stupid questions.

I don't understand why; it's not as though my queries take a lot of effort to resolve - usually just a 'no' and then a slightly more forceful 'no, go home' suffices.

I've made a colossal mistake

It seems that there are two Sarah Colosso's in the University. One is an anatomist, whilst the other took up the last name Colosso as a stage name (?).

The practical up-shot of this revelation is negligible as I know neither of them, though it does mean that the woman I've been picturing in a Pikachu costume since last October is not the woman who was wearing the Pikachu costume last October.

I've said too much.

I'm gonna lay you out to rest

Some people have no library etiquette at all. There's a man sat next to me suceeding in making as much noise as possible without outright speaking or playing an instrument.

Sofar, he's:

• sniffed a lot
• cleared his throat four times
• tapped his feet
• tapped his fingers
• tapped his pen
• dropped each of his ten books onto a pile, one at a time
  
• eaten an apple
• drunk quite loudly
• sighed lengthily
• whistled

The only excuse for whistling in a library is if the person sitting next to you has just knocked out your front teeth or forced a pen through your trachea. What an annoying man.

Secret Blogging Fetish

I'm long overdue for posting links to Heather Minto's Mint Blog and Steven Garrard Garrulous Blog, which are both extremely good and proffessional.

Heather has amazing skills with an extremely long camera and Steven has impeccable taste in all entertainment mediums and is a very funny man.

You should read them.

I don't know why I'm doing this, as they make up a large fraction of my readership anyway.