Frankly, 2008, you won't be missed by me. Your only acheivement is that you probably won't be as bad financially as 2009. Your movies have been piss poor. Your weather has been unsatisfactory.
The entirety of this year has felt like nothing more than the slow & dismal build-up to the rapid, careening descent into economic recession/the end of days. Like the up part of a rollercoaster.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
The Econoclypse (aka. Ragnorthernrök)
I can't help but enjoy the wild ride that is the credit crunch/crisis/crash, mostly because I have no noticeable income.
Whilst the job losses are tragic, it kindof feels like a cleansing fire is purging all the crappy shops and shops containing a z and two flipping v's from the highstreet.
And house prices might actually be within attainable levels by the time I leave University.
I believe we will come out of this crisis stronger. Until then, I may aswell enjoy the schadenfreude. And takes bets on which highstreet shop is going to go out of business next.
Whilst the job losses are tragic, it kindof feels like a cleansing fire is purging all the crappy shops and shops containing a z and two flipping v's from the highstreet.
And house prices might actually be within attainable levels by the time I leave University.
I believe we will come out of this crisis stronger. Until then, I may aswell enjoy the schadenfreude. And takes bets on which highstreet shop is going to go out of business next.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Nothing to write (from) home about
Finally got a PC on which blogger works and nothing much is going on, ignoring all this Christmas biznez. The journey home was pleasant but uneventful. And most of the family seems to have come down with some kind of disease.
Nothing else to report. This is Matthew Ingram of maintenence team 4B, signing off.
Oh, one more thing. I put all the spare armour and ammunition in the -
Nothing else to report. This is Matthew Ingram of maintenence team 4B, signing off.
Oh, one more thing. I put all the spare armour and ammunition in the -
Saturday, December 13, 2008
2012
In the early hours of the morning, after a particularly gruesome revision session, I happened to listen to Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap and somehow the idea that she was singing about 2012’s alien colonisation of Earth, as described in the X-files, lodged itself way into my addled head.
In the harsh light of day, I realized this was complete bolox, but it’s an interesting insight into what lack of sleep can do to a brain.
My reasoning was thus:
Imogen Heap – Hide and Seek
Where are we?
What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just begun to fall
Crop circles in the carpet
Sinking feeling
This speaks about the initial confusion, as the invasion commences and alien spaceships appear in the sky.
The dust is potentially a means of spreading the alien virus. They tried bees, but virus-laden particles would be far more affective. Distributed by the ships as they enter the atmosphere, the dust would cover everything, forming a ‘carpet’ in which form the ‘crop circles’ as the alien ships touch down.
Spin me around again and rub my eyes
This can't be happening
When busy streets a mess with people
Would stop to hold their heads heavy
It continues to describe the confusion of invasion day. The mess of people around her stop as the virus takes effect. They hold their heads; it is possible the black oil is already pooling in the third ventricle of the brain, depending on how fast the virus progresses.
She is seemingly immune.
Hide and seek
Trains and sewing machines
All those years
They were here first
She tries to hide. With most of humanity now controlled by the colonists, she holes up in abandoned areas – train yards or dumps.
The colonists were here first, before mankind, all those thousands of years ago, until driven out by the ice age.
Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before
The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity
Of this still life
The black oil of the infected is spreading everywhere. The ‘pleasure moments hung before’ is likely referring to photographs of happier times framed on the wall. Perhaps some black oil choses to conceal itself behind a photograph frame. Or she is simply remarking on how those times are now lost.
The invasion has swept across the planet. She describes the relentless inhumanity of the aliens and the black oil, which is aptly described as ‘still life’ – it is outwardly just oil, yet it possesses sentience and the ability to move.
Hide and seek
Trains and sewing machines (You won’t catch me around here)
Blood and tears
They were here first
Again, her struggle to survive and hide, through blood and tears.
The colonists were here first.
Mm what'cha say?
Mm, that you only meant well
Well of course you did
Mm what'cha say?
Mm that it's all for the best
Of course it is
Mm what'cha say?
Mm that it's just what we need
You decided this?
Mm what'cha say?
Mm what did you say?
It seems she is addressing The Syndicate. Her knowledge of them perhaps sheds some light on to why she is immune. The Syndicate (‘you’) worked with the aliens because they believed it was what humanity (‘we’) needed to do in order to survive. They meant well but her derisive tone suggests that their efforts were in vain or even detrimental. She seems angry that they decided to keep the knowledge of the aliens from the public.
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
Mid-sweet-talk newspaper word cutouts (paper word cutouts)
Speak no feeling; no, I don't believe you
You don't care a bit
You don't care a bit
Unfortunately, it’s at this point that the whole thing becomes undone; even my sleep-deprived brain struggled to misinterpret the lyrics.
She suggests The Syndicate is giving a ransom, but as to what that is I can only guess. Perhaps they have a store of nuclear warheads and are threatening to detonate them, making the planet uninhabitable (in a sense, holding the Earth itself hostage).
I can’t imagine The Syndicate being big on sweet-talk, but the ‘newspaper word cutouts’ could have two meanings. It may be relating to the previously mentioned ransom or it could also be talking about the control the Syndicate had over the media before the invasion, silencing anything that threatened to expose them.
In the last three lines she expresses her distrust of The Syndicate, and that they ‘speak no feeling’ and ‘don’t care a bit’. Their lack of emotion could imply that they have since been taken over by the alien virus. Perhaps they’re using TV and radio to persuade the last survivors to turn themselves in.
All of this is backed up by the video, which shows the singer in front of a wall of bright lights, like the inside of a spaceship.
More likely, she’s singing about her boyfriend.
In the harsh light of day, I realized this was complete bolox, but it’s an interesting insight into what lack of sleep can do to a brain.
My reasoning was thus:
Imogen Heap – Hide and Seek
Where are we?
What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just begun to fall
Crop circles in the carpet
Sinking feeling
This speaks about the initial confusion, as the invasion commences and alien spaceships appear in the sky.
The dust is potentially a means of spreading the alien virus. They tried bees, but virus-laden particles would be far more affective. Distributed by the ships as they enter the atmosphere, the dust would cover everything, forming a ‘carpet’ in which form the ‘crop circles’ as the alien ships touch down.
Spin me around again and rub my eyes
This can't be happening
When busy streets a mess with people
Would stop to hold their heads heavy
It continues to describe the confusion of invasion day. The mess of people around her stop as the virus takes effect. They hold their heads; it is possible the black oil is already pooling in the third ventricle of the brain, depending on how fast the virus progresses.
She is seemingly immune.
Hide and seek
Trains and sewing machines
All those years
They were here first
She tries to hide. With most of humanity now controlled by the colonists, she holes up in abandoned areas – train yards or dumps.
The colonists were here first, before mankind, all those thousands of years ago, until driven out by the ice age.
Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before
The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity
Of this still life
The black oil of the infected is spreading everywhere. The ‘pleasure moments hung before’ is likely referring to photographs of happier times framed on the wall. Perhaps some black oil choses to conceal itself behind a photograph frame. Or she is simply remarking on how those times are now lost.
The invasion has swept across the planet. She describes the relentless inhumanity of the aliens and the black oil, which is aptly described as ‘still life’ – it is outwardly just oil, yet it possesses sentience and the ability to move.
Hide and seek
Trains and sewing machines (You won’t catch me around here)
Blood and tears
They were here first
Again, her struggle to survive and hide, through blood and tears.
The colonists were here first.
Mm what'cha say?
Mm, that you only meant well
Well of course you did
Mm what'cha say?
Mm that it's all for the best
Of course it is
Mm what'cha say?
Mm that it's just what we need
You decided this?
Mm what'cha say?
Mm what did you say?
It seems she is addressing The Syndicate. Her knowledge of them perhaps sheds some light on to why she is immune. The Syndicate (‘you’) worked with the aliens because they believed it was what humanity (‘we’) needed to do in order to survive. They meant well but her derisive tone suggests that their efforts were in vain or even detrimental. She seems angry that they decided to keep the knowledge of the aliens from the public.
Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
Mid-sweet-talk newspaper word cutouts (paper word cutouts)
Speak no feeling; no, I don't believe you
You don't care a bit
You don't care a bit
Unfortunately, it’s at this point that the whole thing becomes undone; even my sleep-deprived brain struggled to misinterpret the lyrics.
She suggests The Syndicate is giving a ransom, but as to what that is I can only guess. Perhaps they have a store of nuclear warheads and are threatening to detonate them, making the planet uninhabitable (in a sense, holding the Earth itself hostage).
I can’t imagine The Syndicate being big on sweet-talk, but the ‘newspaper word cutouts’ could have two meanings. It may be relating to the previously mentioned ransom or it could also be talking about the control the Syndicate had over the media before the invasion, silencing anything that threatened to expose them.
In the last three lines she expresses her distrust of The Syndicate, and that they ‘speak no feeling’ and ‘don’t care a bit’. Their lack of emotion could imply that they have since been taken over by the alien virus. Perhaps they’re using TV and radio to persuade the last survivors to turn themselves in.
All of this is backed up by the video, which shows the singer in front of a wall of bright lights, like the inside of a spaceship.
More likely, she’s singing about her boyfriend.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
It's pronounced 'Boner'
For some reason my PC refuses to run Blogger, even through circumventors, and I've been more or less room-bound with revision for the last week or so, so have been unable to update.
I never thought I'd miss the ability to talk about nothing to nobody.
Aside from revision, this week I have been mostly listening to The Phantom of the Opera. The video doesn't make a lot of sense. Does the Phantom (played by Gerard Butler :D) seriously employ a couple dozen burly men to stand behind walls, holding candlesticks? And who is operating the complex, waterproof-candlestick raising mechanism?
Anyway, I just had my first exam. I may go into hiding beneath Bonar Hall if this doesn't turn out well. Buy a gondola and a mask. I have a genius that can never be understood by society or a rigorous process of written and practical examination.
Not sure which side of the face to wear the mask on though.
Maybe I'll buy two masks.
I never thought I'd miss the ability to talk about nothing to nobody.
Aside from revision, this week I have been mostly listening to The Phantom of the Opera. The video doesn't make a lot of sense. Does the Phantom (played by Gerard Butler :D) seriously employ a couple dozen burly men to stand behind walls, holding candlesticks? And who is operating the complex, waterproof-candlestick raising mechanism?
Anyway, I just had my first exam. I may go into hiding beneath Bonar Hall if this doesn't turn out well. Buy a gondola and a mask. I have a genius that can never be understood by society or a rigorous process of written and practical examination.
Not sure which side of the face to wear the mask on though.
Maybe I'll buy two masks.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Writing Literotica
The biggest problem with penning an erotical novel is that any taste or fetish expressed by the main male character will be irrevicably associated with myself. I don't want that; I'm a squeaky-clean paragon of purity.
Maybe I can just write the sex scenes using nothing but euphemism.
Also, holy shit there's a little dead worm thing is this bag of seeds with fangy teeth. I'm done with eating seeds.
Maybe I can just write the sex scenes using nothing but euphemism.
Also, holy shit there's a little dead worm thing is this bag of seeds with fangy teeth. I'm done with eating seeds.
Laid in China
Was eating some Chinese sunflower seeds, feeling all healthy like, when an insect crawled out of the packet.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Comedic Platinum
As if freezing somebody's shoes wasn't hilarious enough, the geniuses at the Comedy Labs have really taken things to the next level.
Filling shoes up with water > freezing them > thawing them > freezing them again.
Those wacky funsters.
And hey, if freeze-thaw action was good enough for the Lake District, it's good enough for my shoes.
Filling shoes up with water > freezing them > thawing them > freezing them again.
Those wacky funsters.
And hey, if freeze-thaw action was good enough for the Lake District, it's good enough for my shoes.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Today Is The Day For Coining Something
I've started doing the thing where you walk into a room, stand around trying to remember what you came into the room for, and eventually walk out in defeat, only with Wikipedia.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Pick up a p-p-p-p-p-puh-puh-puuuuh-p-p-pen
At the time of writing, I'm in the process of being forced out of the library by it's aggressive air conditioning system. I thought the computer area might be slightly warmer. Alas.
Next time, shall bring a jumper.
Also, I had a weird moment of genuine stammering today. Whilst buying a pen from the library desk, I accidentally said 'can I buy a ben' and, immediately attempting to correct myself, stuttered 'pe-pe-peh-peh-puh' for a number of seconds, eventually having to consciously stop myself and restart. It's never happened before and was momentarily distressing.
Also is 'can I buy a Ben' a Freudian slip?
Also is this blog becoming a catalogue of all my social, physical, and emotional failings?
This PC is directly beneath a vent and I'm physically trembling with hypothermia, so will end here.
Next time, shall bring a jumper.
Also, I had a weird moment of genuine stammering today. Whilst buying a pen from the library desk, I accidentally said 'can I buy a ben' and, immediately attempting to correct myself, stuttered 'pe-pe-peh-peh-puh' for a number of seconds, eventually having to consciously stop myself and restart. It's never happened before and was momentarily distressing.
Also is 'can I buy a Ben' a Freudian slip?
Also is this blog becoming a catalogue of all my social, physical, and emotional failings?
This PC is directly beneath a vent and I'm physically trembling with hypothermia, so will end here.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Post-Mortal
I fancy writing a post on my new warcraft Death Knight, if only to put off having to assemble a review cataloging the various failures of Quantum of Solace. Such a feat goes beyond me, for the time being.
But nobody cares about my Death Knight.
I don't even care about my Death Knight, having destroyed and remade it no less than 4 times.
Styxandstonez is probably my punniest name to date.
I'm so tired.
But nobody cares about my Death Knight.
I don't even care about my Death Knight, having destroyed and remade it no less than 4 times.
Styxandstonez is probably my punniest name to date.
I'm so tired.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Big Brother Corporation
According to a recent letter, enforcement officers are scheduled to enter my flat in the near future to investigate why I haven't been paying my TV license.
Judging by the tone of the letter, they'll be coming in through the window, black gasmasks rasping, electrified batons set to ultra-kill.
At least the righteous glory of being proven innocent is a fine thing.
(Not that I dislike the BBC; they do good work with other people's licensing fee. But I expect Auntie Beeb of all people to be a little more polite when she sends a letter.)
Judging by the tone of the letter, they'll be coming in through the window, black gasmasks rasping, electrified batons set to ultra-kill.
At least the righteous glory of being proven innocent is a fine thing.
(Not that I dislike the BBC; they do good work with other people's licensing fee. But I expect Auntie Beeb of all people to be a little more polite when she sends a letter.)
Things that I would change about myself
Moving my eyebrows closer to the midline, increasing my scowling capacity by 50%.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Quantum of Solace, Avagadro's Constant of Action II
I'm too drunk right now to review this movie objectively.
All I can say is WHAT THE FUCK.
I shall prepare a full list of flaws through the period of soberingity and sleeping.
All I can say is WHAT THE FUCK.
I shall prepare a full list of flaws through the period of soberingity and sleeping.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Abusing the generosity of the church
Not for the first or the last time.
The church on Perth Road gives out a cup of hearty lentil soup on Wednesday, and seemingly has been doing for years, though this has only recently come to my attention.
So I'm eating soup atm.
I say 'abusing' because presumably the expected repayment is for me to consider welcoming Jesus Christ into my heart. And that's never likely to happen.
The church on Perth Road gives out a cup of hearty lentil soup on Wednesday, and seemingly has been doing for years, though this has only recently come to my attention.
So I'm eating soup atm.
I say 'abusing' because presumably the expected repayment is for me to consider welcoming Jesus Christ into my heart. And that's never likely to happen.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Free Sugar
Was so tired this morning, I mistakenly vended Sugar Free Diet Coke.
Irony has never tasted so bitter.
Irony has never tasted so bitter.
Circadian calendar
I finally figured out my sleeping pattern. It was deceptively simple.
It operates on a weekly cycle.
Friday - Saturday: Stay up late, because it's the weekend
Sunday: Stay up late, because I woke up late
Monday: Wake up early for lectures, exhausted. Nap during afternoon, ensuring that do not sleep until late than night.
Tuesday: Same as Monday
Wednesday: Same as Tuesday.
Thursday: The ineffectiveness of naps has gradually brought bedtime earlier and earlier, and I am now more or less in line with societal norms.
Friday: Stay up late, because it's the weekend.
It operates on a weekly cycle.
Friday - Saturday: Stay up late, because it's the weekend
Sunday: Stay up late, because I woke up late
Monday: Wake up early for lectures, exhausted. Nap during afternoon, ensuring that do not sleep until late than night.
Tuesday: Same as Monday
Wednesday: Same as Tuesday.
Thursday: The ineffectiveness of naps has gradually brought bedtime earlier and earlier, and I am now more or less in line with societal norms.
Friday: Stay up late, because it's the weekend.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Komm, süßer tod
It being November, it's customary for me to fall into a spiraling pit of despair around now, escaping this existential crisis only through the painful mental breakdown and reconstruction that is my birthday.
Perhaps this year will be different. Perhaps Gross Anatomy has allowed me to face the idea of my own mortality with a smile and a calm hand.
And I left my Evangelion DVD at home. So I'm less likely to kill myself.
It all returns to nothing,
It all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down
It all returns to nothing,
I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down
Dodged a bullet there.
Perhaps this year will be different. Perhaps Gross Anatomy has allowed me to face the idea of my own mortality with a smile and a calm hand.
And I left my Evangelion DVD at home. So I'm less likely to kill myself.
It all returns to nothing,
It all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down
It all returns to nothing,
I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down
Dodged a bullet there.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Halloween Costume of the Future
The theme for next Halloween's Costume will be The Past.
Exhausted by Heath Ledger's Jokers and sick of flash-in-the-pan pop culture references, I'll be going with something timeless. A classy classic.
Sherlock Holmes was an option, but by this time next year it too will be a pop culture reference.
Flip you, Guy Ritchie.
Exhausted by Heath Ledger's Jokers and sick of flash-in-the-pan pop culture references, I'll be going with something timeless. A classy classic.
Sherlock Holmes was an option, but by this time next year it too will be a pop culture reference.
Flip you, Guy Ritchie.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Hell-oween
I don't know what to think about this recent Halloween shabackle.
On the one hand, I've never been abandoned by my fellow man in such a time of need so totally as last night.
On the other hand, I seem to feed off social embarrassment in a way that is somewhat worrying. Kindof like those bacteria at Chernobyl that thrive off harmful nuclear radiation.
Which is a fitting(?) metaphor, as I was the Hulk.
Anyway, the breakdown of the costumes on show were:
On the one hand, I've never been abandoned by my fellow man in such a time of need so totally as last night.
On the other hand, I seem to feed off social embarrassment in a way that is somewhat worrying. Kindof like those bacteria at Chernobyl that thrive off harmful nuclear radiation.
Which is a fitting(?) metaphor, as I was the Hulk.
Anyway, the breakdown of the costumes on show were:
- 50% The Jokers
- 3 Incredible Hulks
- 1 Squall
- 1 Scout
- 1 insanely sexy pikachu
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Mankind has always feared what it cannot understand...
I guess one of the staples of horror films is that the horror in question comes from an unknowable source.
Examples:
It's not been going very well.
This is all I've got sofar:
Well that was a productive waste of time. The horror genre is exhausted.
Edit: Sorry, one last idea struck me.
So is the furry community, but they don't have quite the craving for man flesh.
Examples:
- The afterlife (hell, ghosts) or realms of magic.
- Space/other dimensions (Aliens, Event Horizon)
- Complex Science/technology (Frankenstein, One Missed Call, Ring)
- The ocean depths (Sphere, Cloverfield)
- Somewhere that civilized man does not tread (the American South, Europe, the Outback)
- Within the minds of one's fellow man (psychopaths)
- Within the minds of children (nobody knows wtf they're planning)
- Within the minds of clowns
- Creating areas of uncertainty and confusion in what was previously well known and everyday to the viewer .i.e. perversions of normal life (Waking up to find nobody has a face/Scissors suddenly killing people)
It's not been going very well.
This is all I've got sofar:
- Aging - nobody but old people know what it is like to be old but society as a whole seems pretty scared of it. I'm not sure how a physical representation of the fear of aging would manifest. Maybe just a monster that sucks people's youth. Or a killer old person. Scrap that.
- The Future - nobody knows what the future will bring and thus it is often scary. Unfortunately, now that I think on it, fear of the future has already been used in stuff like Final Destination and The Ring, where an unspecified doom is placed upon it's characters.
Well that was a productive waste of time. The horror genre is exhausted.
Edit: Sorry, one last idea struck me.
- Homosexuals - the gay community becomes violent and rapey towards straight men?
So is the furry community, but they don't have quite the craving for man flesh.
Pulling an Amelie
I was woken today by my mobile alarm at 8:30, feeling strangely tired, and stumbled bleary eyed out of my flat to my lecture, noting that it was strangely cold and that the campus was strangely deserted.
Putting these three clues together, I came to the conclusion that either:
a) I had coma'd my way through a nuclear winter that had taken the lives of most of the campus.
or
b) I had failed to update my mobile to DST and it was in fact 7:30 in the morning and everyone else was rightly asleep.
It was b. Were it not for my folly, I could still be sleeping.
Putting these three clues together, I came to the conclusion that either:
a) I had coma'd my way through a nuclear winter that had taken the lives of most of the campus.
or
b) I had failed to update my mobile to DST and it was in fact 7:30 in the morning and everyone else was rightly asleep.
It was b. Were it not for my folly, I could still be sleeping.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Shameless Warcraft Post
After renewing my World of Warcraft subscription, I think I'm handling my usage well, by which I mean the Zombie Invasion has now ended so I couldn't really care less.
I probably won't be jumping on the first boat to Northrend, as there's still plenty of stuff that needs doing in Outland. Might just hang around the level 70 bracket in PvP for a few months and kick a massive amount of arse. My Paladin, Rogue, and Warlock are also in need of attention. And I'm thinking of making a sexy Priest.
Maybe when they're all nicely leveled, I'll go have a gander in the icy North. Sooner if the snow effects are something to write home about.
Nothing sets the scene like a good weather effect.
I probably won't be jumping on the first boat to Northrend, as there's still plenty of stuff that needs doing in Outland. Might just hang around the level 70 bracket in PvP for a few months and kick a massive amount of arse. My Paladin, Rogue, and Warlock are also in need of attention. And I'm thinking of making a sexy Priest.
Maybe when they're all nicely leveled, I'll go have a gander in the icy North. Sooner if the snow effects are something to write home about.
Nothing sets the scene like a good weather effect.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Hahaha
I'm in awe of the film Taken.
You know that thing movies do, where the high-tech Government agency gets a crappy, pixelated image, loads it into a computer, presses a few buttons, and magically derives incredible quality and detail out of what previously was a couple of pixels?
Taken does the same. Except this is on a common photo-printing booth in the street and with a single button labeled 'process'.
Liam Neeson manages to find the face of the man holding the camera phone reflected in a sign in the background. It starts off as a shapeless blur > a few zooms and one press of the 'process' button later and you could photofit him.
Right down to his untrustworthy, European smile.
It also has a rooftop phonecall-triangulation scene, a I'm-cocking-my-gun-which-means-I'm-being-extra-threatening moment, and a bad guy getting hit in the face with steam from a broken pipe.
In the film's defense, when it does come down to just Liam Neeson kicking the crap out of filthy Europeans, it does so extensively.
You know that thing movies do, where the high-tech Government agency gets a crappy, pixelated image, loads it into a computer, presses a few buttons, and magically derives incredible quality and detail out of what previously was a couple of pixels?
Taken does the same. Except this is on a common photo-printing booth in the street and with a single button labeled 'process'.
Liam Neeson manages to find the face of the man holding the camera phone reflected in a sign in the background. It starts off as a shapeless blur > a few zooms and one press of the 'process' button later and you could photofit him.
Right down to his untrustworthy, European smile.
It also has a rooftop phonecall-triangulation scene, a I'm-cocking-my-gun-which-means-I'm-being-extra-threatening moment, and a bad guy getting hit in the face with steam from a broken pipe.
In the film's defense, when it does come down to just Liam Neeson kicking the crap out of filthy Europeans, it does so extensively.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Things that are great about Mama Mia
The insane male casting:
Any scene in which he kisses his fiancé feels like attempted rape.
- Pierce Brosnan - cannot sing.
- Colin Firth - cannot dance.
- Stellan Skarsgard - a grizzled, somewhat-terrifying physical presence in what is otherwise a campy film.
- Dominic Cooper - creepy, creepy, creepy, creepy.
Any scene in which he kisses his fiancé feels like attempted rape.
WoW
I almost feel obliged to return to World of Warcraft just because of the sheer amount of hard work those fellows are putting in to it.
In the recent update they introduced achievements, haircuts (I really need a haircut), zombie hordes, talent trees for pets, harbors. . .
They can't be getting much sleep.
In the recent update they introduced achievements, haircuts (I really need a haircut), zombie hordes, talent trees for pets, harbors. . .
They can't be getting much sleep.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Chocobo breeder
I have a new blog and a new purpose in life.
Chocobo Breeder - A blog dedicated to the making of large, rideable birds.
Chocobo Breeder - A blog dedicated to the making of large, rideable birds.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
You know what really grinds my gears?
People who use the phrase 'Sue me' after saying something very mildly controversial.
No wonder everybody is lawsuiting everybody else left, right, and center.
No wonder everybody is lawsuiting everybody else left, right, and center.
Monday, October 20, 2008
The Moment of Truth
Does anybody remember that game show hosted by Cilla Black from the late 90's where a member of a family had one week to master one skill? And if they mastered and proved it on the show, they got like a car and a holiday and a new house and a Sega Gamegear home entertainment system?
I kindof wish I had those incentives.
I need to learn the names, three and one letter abreviations, polarities, pHs, and structures of all 20 amino acids. By monday.
I feel I should say something to get this noble endeavor officially underway.
'Alright, it's tea-time, chaps!'
That'll do.
I kindof wish I had those incentives.
I need to learn the names, three and one letter abreviations, polarities, pHs, and structures of all 20 amino acids. By monday.
I feel I should say something to get this noble endeavor officially underway.
'Alright, it's tea-time, chaps!'
That'll do.
Get out of my head
I can't get enough of caramelldansen.
The presence of dancing anime schoolgirls just elevates it to the level of crack cocaine.
The presence of dancing anime schoolgirls just elevates it to the level of crack cocaine.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Fetish of the Week
Female tramps.
I don't know.
They just seem pathetic and miserable in a way that makes them attainable?
I don't know.
They just seem pathetic and miserable in a way that makes them attainable?
Thursday, October 16, 2008
I'm not optimistic
Since when did the deck of the USS Enterprise look like something out of Thunderbirds?
Seriously, Kirk looks 15 years old.
Matthew 0 - Inanimate Objects 23,856
There have been two distressing trends in the technology of doors of late.
One is the removal of Push and Pull signs. Lord knows what happened to the useful things. Was everybody given psychic powers? Well I certainly wasn't, and thus when approaching an unmarked door, I now have no idea if it's a Push or Pull. Statistically speaking, it's a 50-50 chance, but 75% of the time I manage to balls it up.
I either slam straight in to it or strain desperately to pull it open.
And a good percentage of the time, the door is in fact locked, causing a humiliating combination of slamming into and straining against.
The second distressing trend in door manufacture is that many are now made entirely of glass, so that people on both sides can see my feux pas.
One is the removal of Push and Pull signs. Lord knows what happened to the useful things. Was everybody given psychic powers? Well I certainly wasn't, and thus when approaching an unmarked door, I now have no idea if it's a Push or Pull. Statistically speaking, it's a 50-50 chance, but 75% of the time I manage to balls it up.
I either slam straight in to it or strain desperately to pull it open.
And a good percentage of the time, the door is in fact locked, causing a humiliating combination of slamming into and straining against.
The second distressing trend in door manufacture is that many are now made entirely of glass, so that people on both sides can see my feux pas.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Morning has broken
And I have felt
A presence that disturbs me with the joy
Of elevated thoughts; a sense sublime
Of something far more deeply interfused,
Whose dwelling is the light of the setting suns,
And the round ocean and the living air,
And the blue sky, and in the mind of man;
A motion and a spirit, that impels.
A presence that disturbs me with the joy
Of elevated thoughts; a sense sublime
Of something far more deeply interfused,
Whose dwelling is the light of the setting suns,
And the round ocean and the living air,
And the blue sky, and in the mind of man;
A motion and a spirit, that impels.
- Wordsworth
Relentless has really raised the bar for energy drinks. Not only do they have short, inspiring segments of poetry on the side of their already aesthetically impressive cans, but they've thought to add fruit juice into their energy drinks.
50% is juice, the other half is the same old chemicals. It's like being hit in the mouth with an electric pineapple. It tastes like crap but kept me awake through genome sciences, so kudos. Didn't sleep last night.
On the subject of genome sciences, had a lecture today on the vast amount of useless DNA just hanging about in the human genome. I think it would make a fine premise for a sci-fi thriller whereby a bunch of scientists find a way to either remove all this useless DNA or somehow activate it. Either way, they create something man was never meant to create.
'That DNA was locked away for a reason.'
It would be similar to the idea that utilizing more than 10% of your brain gives you psychic powers.
It would also be similar to Doom but with a great many things changed.
Anyhow, by body is currently being used as the staging ground for an epic battle between the forces of caffeine and alcohol by-products, so I think I'll get some sleep.
50% is juice, the other half is the same old chemicals. It's like being hit in the mouth with an electric pineapple. It tastes like crap but kept me awake through genome sciences, so kudos. Didn't sleep last night.
On the subject of genome sciences, had a lecture today on the vast amount of useless DNA just hanging about in the human genome. I think it would make a fine premise for a sci-fi thriller whereby a bunch of scientists find a way to either remove all this useless DNA or somehow activate it. Either way, they create something man was never meant to create.
'That DNA was locked away for a reason.'
It would be similar to the idea that utilizing more than 10% of your brain gives you psychic powers.
It would also be similar to Doom but with a great many things changed.
Anyhow, by body is currently being used as the staging ground for an epic battle between the forces of caffeine and alcohol by-products, so I think I'll get some sleep.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
If a place is worth going to, it's worth running to
The gym is back on. Also, I've returned to my habit of running around campus to get from place to place, even if it does make me look like a harried, disorganized tool.
Normally I would keep my physical exploits to myself but they've recently become important because I've settled on a Halloween costume:
I need to look like this.
The Incredible Hulk may be a completely two-dimensional character and his films may be underwhelming but there's no better excuse for wandering around mostly-naked (If there is a better excuse for wandering around mostly-naked, let me know).
Plus it encapsulates both my genius-level, sensitive Scientist side and angry side very well.
Naturally, I will need to bulk up for the role. I've got 23-days in which to do so.
If all goes well, I hope for a laughed with:laughed at ratio of about 1:6.
Normally I would keep my physical exploits to myself but they've recently become important because I've settled on a Halloween costume:
I need to look like this.The Incredible Hulk may be a completely two-dimensional character and his films may be underwhelming but there's no better excuse for wandering around mostly-naked (If there is a better excuse for wandering around mostly-naked, let me know).
Plus it encapsulates both my genius-level, sensitive Scientist side and angry side very well.
Naturally, I will need to bulk up for the role. I've got 23-days in which to do so.
If all goes well, I hope for a laughed with:laughed at ratio of about 1:6.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Moving on
Continuing to run with this week's theme of turning over new leafs, it has come to the point where I can finally forgive Garth Jennings for The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy shambles, if not forget.
Not sure where this uncharacteristic forgiveness is coming from. Possibly he's grown as a director since. Possibly it's his relationship with Adam and Joe. Probably it's because I'm having to syphon off hatred from other areas of my life to ensure my hatred of Chemistry is well-supplied.
My hatred of Chemistry is bottomless. It can never be quenched.
Non-related note: I can't get the smell of formaldehyde out of my nose/brain.
Not sure where this uncharacteristic forgiveness is coming from. Possibly he's grown as a director since. Possibly it's his relationship with Adam and Joe. Probably it's because I'm having to syphon off hatred from other areas of my life to ensure my hatred of Chemistry is well-supplied.
My hatred of Chemistry is bottomless. It can never be quenched.
Non-related note: I can't get the smell of formaldehyde out of my nose/brain.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Coming of Taste?
Stereophonics are finally growing on me, after all these years.
That's not to say I disliked them before, I just didn't seem to enjoy them with quite the fervour that others did.
That's not to say I disliked them before, I just didn't seem to enjoy them with quite the fervour that others did.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Día de los Muertos
It's been Morbidity City today. A day to reflect on life and it's passing, and also on rebirth.
Firstly, on the way to and fro to the Hospital, I chose to take a shortcut through the graveyard and bumped into a funeral, unsurprisingly. Felt a little bad for wearing my bright pink and purple shirt at the time though.
Secondly, I had my first human dissection today. It would be improper of me to say very much, but I'd like to thank my cadaver for keeping so trim in life, as it made and makes my job much easier.
Thirdly, I'd like to take this time to announce the official retirement of the beloved tramp shoes. They've been with me for a long time, through thick and through thin, but in recent weeks, especially with this wicked Scottish climate, their gaping holes have been felt much more keenly. Also, in the event of a sinking ship scenario they would barely function as bailing devices at all. For these reasons, the shoes and I have decided that it is best for them to bow out gracefully.
They will continue to function in a severely reduced capacity in the coming months, but will eventually be returned to the place of their origin (a Huddersfield bench) in a small, private ceremony.
I will remember them with sadness, but also fondness and pride.
In memory
Who knows? Perhaps someone with even lower standards than myself will take them and find a use for them.
Firstly, on the way to and fro to the Hospital, I chose to take a shortcut through the graveyard and bumped into a funeral, unsurprisingly. Felt a little bad for wearing my bright pink and purple shirt at the time though.
Secondly, I had my first human dissection today. It would be improper of me to say very much, but I'd like to thank my cadaver for keeping so trim in life, as it made and makes my job much easier.
Thirdly, I'd like to take this time to announce the official retirement of the beloved tramp shoes. They've been with me for a long time, through thick and through thin, but in recent weeks, especially with this wicked Scottish climate, their gaping holes have been felt much more keenly. Also, in the event of a sinking ship scenario they would barely function as bailing devices at all. For these reasons, the shoes and I have decided that it is best for them to bow out gracefully.
They will continue to function in a severely reduced capacity in the coming months, but will eventually be returned to the place of their origin (a Huddersfield bench) in a small, private ceremony.
I will remember them with sadness, but also fondness and pride.
In memoryWho knows? Perhaps someone with even lower standards than myself will take them and find a use for them.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Coat hangups
Just finishing week two of the exciting adventure that is Dundee University: Episode 3 and I've still to find a supply of coat hangers.
(I forgot to pack coat hangers)
I've tried getting free ones from shops but the problem with that is you have to be buying something to make it legitimate. Every time I'll go into a shop and buy the cheapest t-shirt available and go to the counter, all prepared to say "and do you have any spare coat hangers, perchance?', only to find that the checkout person is either very, very angry looking or very attractive looking. This renders me mute with terror either-way. All I'm able to say is 'um. . . can I keep the coat hanger, plz?'. This leaves me one coat hanger up, but also one crappy t-shirt up.
Net gain = zero coat hangers.
This has happened three times now.
No more.
P.S. On a related note, I recently received a non-repayable £2000 grant, so I guess I can afford to keep doing this for a while.
(I forgot to pack coat hangers)
I've tried getting free ones from shops but the problem with that is you have to be buying something to make it legitimate. Every time I'll go into a shop and buy the cheapest t-shirt available and go to the counter, all prepared to say "and do you have any spare coat hangers, perchance?', only to find that the checkout person is either very, very angry looking or very attractive looking. This renders me mute with terror either-way. All I'm able to say is 'um. . . can I keep the coat hanger, plz?'. This leaves me one coat hanger up, but also one crappy t-shirt up.
Net gain = zero coat hangers.
This has happened three times now.
No more.
P.S. On a related note, I recently received a non-repayable £2000 grant, so I guess I can afford to keep doing this for a while.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
I'm attacking the DARKNESS!
It's not like I'm actually joining the roleplaying society, it's more like I'm roleplaying a pathetic loser who is joining the roleplaying society. I think aslong as I maintain a strong core of self-loathing, I can get away with it.
I kid. I'm sure they're very, very, very nice people.
But if at any point it resembles maths (i.e. anything more complicated than hitting each other with plastic swords for four hours) then I'm out.
I kid. I'm sure they're very, very, very nice people.
But if at any point it resembles maths (i.e. anything more complicated than hitting each other with plastic swords for four hours) then I'm out.
Quantum of Solace, Avagadro's Constant of Action
I'm a little concerned about the number of crash-bang-wallop scenes in the upcoming Quantum of Solace. After multiple viewings and careful analysis, I was able to extract the following from the two trailers:
1. A gun fight in an olden-style building
2. A knife fight in a hotel room
3. A regular fight in a lift
4. Bond ramping a motorbike onto a boat
5. Bond running over rooftops
6. Bond driving a different boat
7. Bond running over different rooftops
8. Bond flying a plane that is getting shot up
9. Bond driving a car that is getting shot up
10. A clearly CGI-Bond plummeting through a glass roof after a rooftop fight seemingly goes awry.
11. Bond dangling from and spinning on a rope whilst grabbing a gun and flipping right side up to shoot a guy above him who is about to shoot Bond
It just seems that, unless these scenes are very short, the majority of the film takes place in a vehicle or brutal fight or on a roof. What was great about Casino Royale was the pacing; the talking and tension-building/boring gambling parts broken up nicely by crazy action.
This seems like 100% crazy action.
I'm sure it'll be good and I'll still enjoy it, but it's best to steel myself for dissapointment.
Steel? Steal?
1. A gun fight in an olden-style building
2. A knife fight in a hotel room
3. A regular fight in a lift
4. Bond ramping a motorbike onto a boat
5. Bond running over rooftops
6. Bond driving a different boat
7. Bond running over different rooftops
8. Bond flying a plane that is getting shot up
9. Bond driving a car that is getting shot up
10. A clearly CGI-Bond plummeting through a glass roof after a rooftop fight seemingly goes awry.
11. Bond dangling from and spinning on a rope whilst grabbing a gun and flipping right side up to shoot a guy above him who is about to shoot Bond
It just seems that, unless these scenes are very short, the majority of the film takes place in a vehicle or brutal fight or on a roof. What was great about Casino Royale was the pacing; the talking and tension-building/boring gambling parts broken up nicely by crazy action.
This seems like 100% crazy action.
I'm sure it'll be good and I'll still enjoy it, but it's best to steel myself for dissapointment.
Steel? Steal?
Because the ego that burns twice as bright burns half as long
I don't see why Jamie should be getting all the kudos and acclaim for his questionable effort. I want people to listen to me too. I have things to say. Important things.
The world needs to know.
So the purposes of this blog are already threefold:
1) To fuel my ego.
2) To directly compete against the Paranoid Goldfish.
3) To better the world through the education and application of my world view.
In the words of Tobias, 'Let the great experiment begin!'
The world needs to know.
So the purposes of this blog are already threefold:
1) To fuel my ego.
2) To directly compete against the Paranoid Goldfish.
3) To better the world through the education and application of my world view.
In the words of Tobias, 'Let the great experiment begin!'
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)